I enjoyed this cross and highly-opinionated rant about some of my least-favorite Christmas songs, including “Little Drummer Boy,” “Do You Hear What I Hear?” “Mary, Did You Know?” and “Frosty the Snowman.” This is not a musically informed article (the author claims that the stunning “Lo, How a Rose Ere Blooming” has “no real tune”) and is very prejudiced against bells, especially onomatopoeia-style bells. But it’s funny.

It also introduced me to this song:

I’m not a Keely Clarkson fan. The lyrics are not good. The story appears to be that this girl used to celebrate Christmas alone with nothing but presents under her tree. This made her feel sad. Christmas alone was cold and gray, even though she apparently had people who cared enough about her to send her presents. Now she has a man under her tree, which sounds uncomfortable at the very least, and that makes her happy.

Not great literature.

You’re here where you should be
Snow is falling as the carolers sing
It just wasn’t the same
Alone on Christmas day
Presents, what a beautiful sight
Don’t mean a thing if you ain’t holding me tight
You’re all that I need
Underneath the tree
Tonight
I’m gonna hold you close
Make sure that you know
I was lost before you
Christmas was cold and grey
Another holiday alone to celebrate
But then one day everything changed
You’re all I need
Underneath the tree
You’re here where you should be
Snow is falling as the carols sing
It just wasn’t the same
Alone on Christmas day
Presents, what a beautiful sight
Don’t mean a thing if you ain’t holding me tight
You’re all that I need
Underneath the tree
I found, what I was looking for
A love that’s meant for me
A heart that’s mine completely
Knocked me right off my feet
And this year I will fall
With no worries at all
‘Cause you are near and everything’s clear
You’re all I need
Underneath the tree
You’re here where you should be
Snow is falling as the carolers sing
It just wasn’t the same
Alone on Christmas day
Presents, what a beautiful sight
Don’t mean a thing if you ain’t holding me tight
You’re all that I need
Underneath the tree
And then one day everything changed
You’re all I need
Underneath the tree
You’re here where you should be
Snow is falling as the carols sing
It just wasn’t the same
Alone on Christmas day
Presents, what a beautiful sight
Don’t mean a thing if you ain’t holding me tight
You’re all that I need
Underneath the tree
Tonight
It’s a fun tune to sing, though.
It’s possible that my determination to present new songs this year is causing a dip in the quality of the songs I’m offering you. I’ll see what I can do about that.