When I went to the doctor for diabetes, she told that I should take some health tests. Oh, I had had a COVID-19 test, an X-Ray, lots of blood tests, an MRI, and I don’t know what all in the hospital. I had a lipids panel and a urine test and other tuff I can’t remember while I was there at her office, too.

But there are tests that grownups are supposed to have done. A mammogram, a colonoscopy, stuff like that. I’m not doing the “stuff like that,” but I agreed to the mammogram and — well, not to the colonoscopy, but to the non-invasive version called Cologuard.

You send a stool sample to a lab via UPS and they check the DNA for signs of colon cancer. It’s not as effective as a colonoscopy, and if it finds anything wrong, you still have too get the colonoscopy.

However, I, like so many people, would do almost anything to avoid a colonoscopy, so I opted for the Cologuard test.

La Bella, I must admit, had her colonoscopy on schedule. She actually showed me the pictures, which is no more weird than showing people your baby’s ultrasound. Her pictures were better looking than ultrasound babies, too.

Anyway, I did the test.

I was very worried about doing it wrong, but it turns out that it is very easy. The instructions are very clear. And it is an odd thing to do, but I guess it’s no stranger than peeing in a cup, which I did at the doctor’s office without complaints.

I dropped it off at the UPS office with some degree of embarrassment which was probably unnecessary.

I have since learned that Cologuard is expensive and may not be covered by insurance, as well as being less effective. Maybe next time I will not be such a wimp.

Coming back to say —

The results were negative, it was expensive but the insurance paid for all of it, and it doesn’t need to be done again for three years. It’s a win.