Among the Evil 6 is gluten. Now, I generally feel like things should be authentic. Crocheted cables, textured vegetable protein, men in drag, artifical sweeteners –they all seem wrong to me. If you don’t want to eat gluten, I would generally say, then you can’t have bread, pasta, or pastries, so get over it.

This weekend — possibly in unwitting preparation for yesterday’s further discussion of gluten-free communion wafers — I experimented with gluten-free foods, as opposed to merely foods which naturally don’t have any gluten in them because they aren’t wheat.

I went into a cupcake bakery. I have no idea what was in my mind, except that I have been thinking about cake since my birthday and I was passing by the cupcake shop and #1 daughter has been telling me about this place… Yeah. Well they had gluten-free cupcakes, I had heard, so I went in and asked about them.

“Well,” the counter girl said, “you know, the things they put in them — ummm — there’s really nothing to keep it together you know — soo — ummm — they’re really moist.”

This did not give me confidence.

I went ahead and bought one. I also bought a real cupcake, that is, one containing gluten, because I had realized right around “the things they put in them” that gluten-free was not a good idea.

It wasn’t. On the other hand, the real one also wasn’t nearly as good as my homemade cake, so I ate bites of both, tried unsuccessfully to get my husband to try them, and threw most of both away. I think. I might have eaten quite a bit of frosting in the course of this experiment.

I also tried gluten-free spaghetti. If you put plenty of sauce on it, you can forget that you are eating gluten-free stuff.

The weekend also included quiche. And burgers. I mention this in the spirit of full disclosure, because I have to admit that I gained 3 lbs over the weekend. Doesn’t seem possible, does it?

So was it the gluten-free foods or the ones wth actual gluten in them? Did trying gluten free foods cause me to go ahead and eat foods containing gluten? Can I seriously never eat anything but meat and fresh produce for the rest of my life without gaining weight?

I appreciate the irony that I gained three pounds immediately after ordering smaller clothes. I assume that this is a temporary glitch and I will be back on track again before the package arrives.