Buckingham’s point about women’s lower level of happiness when they have fewer choices isn’t a plea to return to a more traditional way of life. Instead, he’s saying something about choices: the more possibilities you have, the less likely you are to be able to make a choice without regret.

CD agrees with him, and she’s a counselor, so she should know.

Buckingham’s point is that we should identify our strengths, recognize our “strong moments,” and intentionally imbalance our lives by paying more attention to the things that make us feel strong and less atttention to the things that make us feel weak.

For me, the strong moments when I get to figure out a plan for a client should get more attention — and so should the strong moments when I’m revelling in knitting and a novel. The weak moments when I’m panicking over a site’s late launch or a client’s failure to pay me? They shouldn’t get attention.

In a relationship, he says, there are going to be imperfections. You don’t have to deny them — but you also don’t have to analyze them and obssess over them. Instead, analyze and obssess over the strong moments in the relationship, and you’ll find that those strong moments will increase and the weak moments will lessen.

If there are no strong moments in a job, relationship, or volunteer position, then Buckingham says to “relinquish it.”

This reminds me of Suzette Haden Elgins’s “Whatever you feed will grow” principle.

Buckingham also offers a complement to the Strengthsfinder superpowers test: a life roles test for women.

I came up as Teacher and Creator, which was not astonishing to me. Check it out and tell me whether you felt that the test pinpointed you.