#2 daughter and I were discussing The Computer Guy’s vices. We weren’t gossiping, of course (it’s against our religion). Rather, we were analyzing an interaction.
#2 daughter had tried to arrange a meeting with The Computer Guy, and he had declined, on the grounds that he had to work. #2 is not accustomed to having boys decline on any grounds. She expects, in fact, that they should be happy to give up their work entirely for the privilege of taking her to a movie. She was, therefore, seeking a hidden meaning in the conversation.
I don’t do this. I don’t trade in hidden meanings, myself. If I said that I regretfully declined an invitation because I had to work, it would mean that
because
I had to work
so I generally miss all hidden messages.
However, I’m pretty good at coming up with theories and multiple possible interpretations, and also I’m a good mom, so I joined in.
The two obvious options were that he had to work and that he was being polite, but actually doesn’t like her and doesn’t want to spend time with her. Having proposed those two scenarios, I then moved on to more elaborate interpretations. Unfortunately, all my other proposals involved The Computer Guy’s being snarky or mean.
“The problem is,” I said, “that he’s not mean. We’d know by now if he were mean.”
#2 daughter agreed. “I can’t even imagine him being mean. He has no vices. He doesn’t even drink coffee.”
We contemplated this in silence. And then we continued to contemplate it loudly, in scandalized tones, because we are talking here about a tech guy who, as far as we can tell, doesn’t drink caffeine at all. This is even more amazing than a boy who doesn’t want to go out with #2 daughter.
It isn’t possible that The Computer Guy actually has no vices. Everyone has vices.
“He drinks beer,” I offered.
#2 daughter snorted. She has been out drinking with him. “He drinks one beer.”
Further contemplation.
“He watches TV,” I suggested.
And in fact this was all we could come up with.
“Maybe he plans to run for president.”
We all have vices, though. It’s just that some of us have interesting vices worth blogging about, and some of us have dull, boring vices. Or that some of us have obvious, public vices, and some have secret vices that no one knows about.
Those are the ones that get a people in trouble when they run for president.
{thud} He doesn’t drink coffee. Let me just pick myself up off the floor. A tech-guy who doesn’t drink caffeine? Is he super healthy or a Mormon? Nowt wrong with Mormons: most of my family are Mormon… ~x~
@pink_hebe –
I know! In fact, the reason that I know he doesn’t drink coffee is that I kept trying to give coffee to him, and finally he just had to say, “I don’t drink coffee.” Or tea or even sodas. Doesn’t seem super healthy, and his family is Hindu so probably not Mormon. If I didn’t have direct experience of his being a tech guy, I’d think he might be a fake.
I bet he’s a closet coffee drinker!
Maybe he turned down #2 daughter because he works with you and doesn’t want a possible messy breakup to damage your work relationship? I’m pretty good at coming up with theories too. 
@JewelE19 –
That’s a good theory.
@JewelE19 –
I totally said that theory long before anything. It was a preemptive theory.
@chanthaboune –
Great minds think alike.