I had my annual blood test. Once again, everything was good except my triglycerides. Actually, my triglycerides were identical to last year’s, and last year the doctor was happy with them. But last year, they had improved over the previous year. This year they did not improve.

What, you may wonder, are triglycerides? They are a thing in your blood. If you have more than 500 of them, you may get pancreatitis (sp?). Or, if you are a man with heart trouble and have more than 200 of them, you have an increased risk of stroke. I am a healthy woman with 182 of them. However, my doctor — who spends way too much time hanging out with sick people — worries about heart disease a whole lot and wants me to have only 150 of these things.

So I have been told that I must exercise and eat better.

Excuse me? Am I not the oldest woman in the cardiopump class? Do I not spend more time at the gym than any of my kids? Do not the meals I prepare cause my husband to shout “I need FAT!” and my sons to claim that they are being starved to death? Is my kitchen not filled with whole grains, nonfat dairy products and fruits and vegetables? Do I not actually eat that stuff most of the time?

Okay, I admit that I am not perfect. I eat pizza sometimes. And chocolate. I eat cake whenever it is around, which fortunately is not very often. I have not given up butter or cheese.

But I am feeling put upon. I am thinking things like, “Everybody ELSE gets to eat doughnuts and bacon cheeseburgers! Why MEEE?”

In fact, in honor of being told to clean up my act, I had chili dogs and a candy bar for dinner last night (oh, and celery, but that wasn’t part of my Great Rebellion).

So, I know you are out there. I see your Footprints. So tell me, how perfect are you? Am I being terribly bratty and unreasonable? Can you assure me that it is worth it to continue to be more and more and more careful about what I eat? Or is it really the case that everyone but MEEE gets to eat chili cheese fries (I don’t know what those are, but my husband eats them for lunch) and banana splits without consequences?