Thanks to Dingus6, I found the Death Clock, which assures me that I am halfway through my life. Also that I will perish in July. On the 25th, in fact. There I’ll be, a few years short of my hundredth birthday, hobbling slowly through Back to School, and I will suddenly keel over, in the middle of helping someone decide whether they can tolerate a liter measurement set in which the beakers are not all round. They’ll be sorry they were so obstreperous.