Earlier today I reported that our high school was the #1 team in the country. Leonidas asked who said so. I didn’t know. I figure someone decides these things. For example, our local college has been the NCAA champion a few times, and I assume that means that some organization called the NCAA decides, perhaps on the basis of a tournament, that they are the winner for that year. But I did not know the details for the high school team, only that the boys had come in, all purple, and pushing their arms in the air and so on, and shouted “We’re #1!” Whereupon I said, “Oh, did you win?” and they replied, “We’re #1 in the country.”

So I went to them to find out who had said so.

The short answer is —

No, you don’t get the short answer. I had to listen to the long answer. Here’s what happened. They met up in the parking lot and completed their body painting. They were going to do the three letters of their school’s initials on their chests, and not allow #2 son to take part in this because he is a sophomore. The seniors were going to cover themselves with long-sleeved purple shirts and then, at some suitable moment, pull their shirts off and be revealed in purple paint with their letters.

The S, however, was late. They were standing around in the parking lot waiting for the S and worrying that they would not get seats, and they decided to allow another friend to be the backup S. Hardly had they gotten him painted up when the original S sauntered up. He pointed out that their team was first in their division, a fact that had been announced at the pep rally.

Their team, he averred, was in the best division, so that meant that they were the best team in the state. At this point, and without benefit of beer or anything, they decided that our state clearly has the best high school football in the nation, and that their school was, ipso facto, #1. QED.

He, the former S said, would be the numeral 1. #2 son could become a numeral sign, and they could leap up and be “FHS #1” at their moment of gloriosity.

So the short answer is that the boys said so.

A teacher told them to wash their paint off, but the assistant principal said it was okay as long as they didn’t paint their faces, and at the appropriate moment they revealed their announcement.

When the purple team won, they ran down onto the field, where #2 son did backflips (he can do that kind of stuff) and many admirers took pictures.

I assume that this will give them many prestige points at school on Monday.