Yesterday’s show went well, and I nearly finished the sleeve of the Bijoux Blouse in between the waves of participants. I spent a bit less time sitting at the table while they were in sessions, because I led one of the sessions.
I enjoyed it. I always do. I think workshops have all the fun of teaching, without the responsibility of grading, meeting with students’ parents, or faculty meetings.
At the end of the workshop, I asked if there were questions. “I have a comment,” one of the participants said.
I was prepared for a discussion of developmentally appropriate learning, or maybe a complaint about the crowded conditions (I get that a lot, even though it is of course the participants who form the crowd), and nodded invitingly.
“You are so cool!” she said.
It was funny, because adults don’t say that to each other, and we all laughed, and it was also sweet of her, and I really appreciated it and thanked her. I always get good evaluations, and I often have people say how much they enjoyed it on their way out. I have even had people come to the store and ask for the number of that excellent presenter we had at the last workshop.
I know I said I don’t like to be the best in the class, but if I’m teaching it, I certainly want to be the best I possibly can be. I don’t think I would enjoy doing workshops as much as I do if I weren’t pretty sure I was good at it.
But this woman’s comment felt like a personal compliment.
It made me think of an article I read in the Wall Street Journal last week. The first generation of kids who grew up in the praise-filled self-esteem-obssessed classroom has entered the workforce, they said. They have grown up being told how great and special they are all the time. All the kids are winners, everyone gets a certificate for something, every player gets a trophy. Teachers are routinely told to find something to praise each child for every day.
So these kids go to work and don’t get praised all the time any more. They often are not shown much recognition at all, because it is not customary among grownups to express admiration every time someone merely does her job.
Some companies have, according the the WSJ, taken up where the schools left off, hiring a special person to “celebrate” people, because the rest of the workers have jobs to do for heaven’s sake. But most companies continue in the usual way, giving bonuses or promotions and the occasional expression of thanks or admiration, and the new crop of workers feels insecure.
How can they tell that they’re doing a good job if no one gives them a certificate or applauds them or anything?
Those of us who grew up before the self-esteem boom would be inclined to say that your sales figures, the percentage of patients who improve under your care, how often you get published — that kind of stuff is what does it. Not being fired is a pretty good indicator that you are doing a good job, in the real world.
But if you have spent all those years being praised for your mere existence, let alone any real accomplishments, then it has to be disheartening to go into the work world, where doing well just means you get to keep your job.
The WSJ was looking at this from the employer’s point of view, naturally. They reported that scores on the standard measure of narcissism have risen an average of 30% among college students since the 1980s. They are thinking about the management issues caused by this new crop of narcissists. But I think we should have some sympathy for these young workers. We did this to them, after all. There has been very little controversy over the self-esteem movement. Both parents and teachers have supported it. It is our fault as a society that these kids have grown up requiring continual, largely artificial boosting of their self-images. We are the ones who kept them from gaining satisfaction from working hard and accomplishing things.
Perhaps, when we see 20-something workers, we should give them a little praise. “My dear,” we could say, “you did an awesome job of delivering that pizza!” Or “I love the way you took my blood pressure! So expert!” Maybe this would make them feel better.
Unless it made them feel that creepy old people were hitting on them. Perhaps just handing out stickers would do it. We could all carry a sheet of gold stars with us at all times, and put them on the hands of all youthful workers.
Just until they get used to the real world.
How do you measure narcissism? And am I in that demographic? And if I am, then why am I more reasonable than those other generation peoples around me?
Sure I miss it, but also I don’t think it’s owed me because I’m alive. I do, from time to time, get a little huffy over it, but let’s not split hairs…
It’s funny – I was talking with my students about this the other day. They are writing a series of grant proposals for a local high school and we were discussing the differences among schooling ideologies of the decades. And we hit the “feel good” decade (-ish). And they recognized it in themselves (in kind ways). We explored what they learned, how they learned it, and what they are bringing with them to the work that they do. And what they expect in the future. It’s interesting. BTW: BRAVO on the comment!!!
That’s one thing about going to varsity. Students are brought down to earth very abruptly because, although our schools practise that ‘feel good’ sort of thing, our universities do not. It is hard for them ‘though. I have found that a lot of the students do find it helpful to have it pointed out that at least some of us do not base our opinion of them as individuals on what mark they get on some assignment or exam especially those who find that their marks become considerably lower than they were at school (something that is becoming increasingly common).
I don’t actually remember being praised at school very much at all. In fact, the only time I got any comments from my teachers was when I had disappointed them and not done as well as they had expected me to do.
I have worked for people and companies who believe that you should reprimand employees at every opportunity, and find at least one thing to critasize every day if you want to keep your workers off balance and working their hardest. And I can’t help noticing that I never work as well for them as for people who can recognize good work and thank me for it.
Thanks and a compliment are a bonus and never OWED. They’re valuable because they’re not necessary.
Have they really been treating kids like that in school?
To a degree, I can see that would be a good policy.
This is such a complicated issue, I don’t want to get into it here. But you can’t regulate it be policy, which seems to be happening from what you’re saying.
I have met some teachers who could benefit from it, though, and some that should be considered criminals for the way they treat students.
It always seems to me that praise becomes meaningless if it is handed out continuously and to all students. It’s the rarity of it that gives it value. Having said all that however, when I’m grading papers I always try to find at least one positive thing to say about the paper if the students has obviously worked hard at the paper.
One of the really good things about teaching is that students will sometimes spontaneously tell you how much they enjoyed the class, or that your class got them interested in the subject. That always means more to me than all the formal evaluations, or even favourable comments from peers about my work – and is probably largely what keeps me teaching. Maybe I might be making a slight difference after all…
I wasn’t going to do any commenting today, but OMG LMAO.
On the other hand, I think when people do a good job — above and beyond what’s expected — a little “nice job” now and again wouldn’t hurt the boss.