I will never complain about my customers again, now that I have read Blisskitty’s experiences. No one has ever asked me into the bathroom to examine something and offer advice. Leonidas, also in retail, has had elderly gentlemen urinate on his strawberries. My customers may include some barmy ones, but they do not attempt to include me in their eliminations, so I am grateful.
It is Super Bowl Sunday, the number one home party day of the year. I may not watch the game, but I will be doing the cooking. #2 son requested Possum Pie, which I am making with fat-free cream cheese, pecans, and skim milk (we will not mention the remaining, highly processed ingredients). I am also making chili, guacamole, and salad, so this will be a reasonably healthy party. I read out the Super Bowl ideas from Marilu Henner’s book, but #1 son said they sounded like ideas from “a bunch of women,” so I do not press it. Good chili recipe, though.
Possum Pie is the Poster Queen’s recipe. It does not involve possum at all. You make a crust of chopped pecans and butter, fill it with sugared cream cheese, top that with instant chocolate pudding, and then spread Cool Whip over the whole thing. Shave a little chocolate on top. It is #2 son’s idea of a perfect dessert, containing as it does plenty of sugar, plus hydrogenated palm oil and modified food starch. Ah, I wasn’t going to mention the unhealthy ingredients, but I see that I have done so. I spent some time online trying to figure out ways to adapt this to make it healthier, but #2 son came along to the grocery and personally went and got the instant pudding mix and Cool Whip, presumably to ensure that I didn’t replace them with organic carob powder and buttermilk or something. I will just have to let the boys eat all the Possum Pie.
I will be singing at my church and then, having made the Possum Pie and the vegetables and put the chili in the slow cooker, will head out to the Episcopal church. Both Chanthaboune and The Empress have warned me about the Episcopal church. I’ve never been to an Episcopalian service, but I gather that they are quite High Church, with genuflection and kneeling and occasional incense. You have to keep your wits about you not to get lost in the service. But I’ll bet the music is good.
“How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?” “Two — one to change the bulb and one to mix the martinis.”
What does it say about me that I am taking my information about different denominations largely from light bulb jokes? I will attempt to distract you from that by telling you how many mezzo-sopranos it takes to change a light bulb:
“Three. One to stand on tiptoe and two to cry “It’s too high for her! It’s too high for her!”