On my first day as an unemployed person (well, I am still being paid, so I guess I’m not quite unemployed yet, but it is a matter of days), I went shopping. I have heard of people going on expensive vacations or buying new clothes after being laid off, but I went and bought a “freezer bundle” — 25 pounds of meat from the local butcher. I also bought a case of tea and a giant bottle of Seventh Generation laundry soap.

I figure this will keep me from being scared about unemployment.

Ironically enough, I did this with my husband’s unemployment check — the payment he got for having a short week last week.

I also talked with my spiritual advisors, looked at all the online want ads, and cried — but less than yesterday. I have to get over the crying before I can do a proper job search. If they ask me, “And why did you leave your last position?” and I start, “We went out of business! Boo hoo! It was so sad!” then they definitely will not hire me.

I was going to update my resume. However, this turns out to be harder than I would have thought. I haven’t been a jobseeker for about a quarter of a century. I don’t remember when I got my Master’s degree, or the names of all the places where I’ve taught. I have a copy of an ancient resume, but it was from when I needed to be modest. You know, you reach a point where it is more impressive to say “List of publications available upon request.”

May I just say that we are having a record month with our online orders? And also we have hit #2 on Google, of the 1525 sites with the same name?

Anyway, then I did Pilates and went off to my Wednesday marathon.

Someone told me that losing a job, especially one of such longstanding, is like losing a family member, and that I should expect to experience grief, bitterness, and all those stages of loss, which I have forgotten. I don’t feel bitter, except when I think about how well the website has done as I built it up from nothing. But I do have some mourning going on.

The Empress told me to take today off. I’m going to work on my resume and job search, but I think I will also clean house, take a hike, and loll around (unless lolling makes me feel more unemployed and depressed). I have a tutoring gig this afternoon, too. Not quite like sitting around in pajamas all day eating ice cream, but I am going to try to make the most of it.