I went for a follow-up visit today. My kidney function has actually gotten worse since last month and my BG numbers have been out of range 60% of the time — not way out of range usually, but still not good. I met with the attending physician today. He said my case is confusing. He said my pancreas and islets have burned out. This probably happened during the years I was overweight. As a burned-out diabetic, I’m not producing enough insulin.

He doesn’t think I have insulin resistance; I’m just not making enough. So he wants me to begin using insulin.

This made me want to cry. I might still cry about it. I’m actually having some trouble getting through my workday, though the PharmaD said I’m not in any acute  health trouble at the moment.

I’m supposed to pick up my insulin prescription tomorrow.

I know I’m being irrational. But I really thought I would be able to control my diabetes with diet and exercise.That would have been a win. This way, I am not winning. The diabetes beat me.

The diabetes educator said — remember you need insulin from somewhere. If you can’t make enough yourself, you need to supplement.

That’s the reasonable way to look at it.