Last night, at the UMW meeting where we discussed the importance of Fair Trade, one of the women said to another — of me — “She’d fit perfectly into our Thursday group if it weren’t for her family.”
By this they did not mean that my family is too savage for the Thursday group, but that the Thursday group is for single women.
It is common for us to divide ourselves up in this way — but is it wise? In another group, we were talking about the fact that people no longer “fix up” their friends. Matchmaking would be considered interference. A generation ago, a single person could expect that older, married friends and relatives would try to herd presentable people in his or her direction. Now, no one would feel free to do so.
“I wouldn’t mind,” said one single person in that group, and there was a chorus of agreement.
The Princess also agreed. She is planning her wedding to a man she met through an internet dating service. It seemed odd, she said, and it is true that you meet some odd people that way, but there aren’t many options in the modern world. She works (with me) in a woman-rich environment, attends a church with few young single members, and, as she says, “You don’t want to meet people in a bar.”
College students are entirely surrounded by single people. Do they fare better? Maybe not. #2 daughter is a college student, and has plenty of guys to date. But — while her dating exploits make good blog stories — she isn’t necessarily any more satisfied with her options than the single women in the conversation I described above.
Instead of a lack of possible romantic interests, she has an unsorted pool. Like a big-box bookstore where you have to get through hundreds of shelves of books you won’t enjoy, in hopes of finding one you will like. It might be better for a friend to say, “Here’s a book I think you’ll love.”
That isn’t likely to happen in all-singles groups, because the girls don’t think, “Now there is a great guy. He’s handsome, intelligent, virtuous, and fun. I think I’ll introduce him to my girlfriends.” No, that fellow she will keep for herself. (Not to mention that, in many cases, he will turn out actually to be handsome, superficially clever, a rogue, and prone to temper tantrums and whining, once she gets to know him. He didn’t come with references, after all.)
We need to mix the married and single people up more. And maybe it is time to lift the ban on matchmaking.
I also went to a CAPS conference yesterday. This is the meeting with a counselor in which kids map out their high school course of study. I’ve done this with three other kids, and it has always consisted of the kid trying to arrange the easiest possible schedule while the counselor and I try to persuade the kid to take something challenging.
I think that is the norm. All around me yesterday I heard whines of “I don’t know what I want to take” and fretful adults responding “Well, you have to take something!”
#2 son said that he wanted to take AP Macroeconomics next year. He thought he would do two or three AP courses each year, and chose a balanced program which he thought would prepare him for the career he has chosen and look good on his college applications. I was thinking, “Who are you, and what have you done with my kid?” but in a good way.
I wonder what approach he will take to dating?
Not all kids are the same.
When I was first given a choice in my courses, my delighted reaction was to attempt to get the counselor to let me take them all.
Well, except for the math courses. But, unfortunately, those were required.
So far he has taken this route.
Date a girl, any girl.
Realise, once in the relationship, that “we have nothing in common.”
Tell her that.
Poof. Broken up.
I matchmade my sister successfully. I figure with a 100% success rate, I’d better retire.
You might want to check your comments. I’ve been commenting back a bit.
I have tried to matchmake my friends (while I was in college) – with a ZERO success rate. Introduced M and J at a party: M turned out to be more interested in S (who had just started dating D, unfortunately) and J thought he wasn’t dating at the time, and then decided to date an Asian woman (K) who he’s now probably going to marry. THEN I tried to introduce S (who was again single, because D is a… hm… uh… not nice girl) to A at my wedding. S and A actually hit it off beautifully and A said something to the effect of “tell him if he’s ever in my town I’d date him” – then A went back to college, S started dating D again (some guys never learn) and A met a nice guy (R) through her Bible Study group. Then of course there is RA and AM. RA told me she liked AM. AM was single. So I would invite them both to parties, giving them the opportunity to make friendship bonds. Result? AM and RA rarely talked to each other at our parties, RA acted like she didn’t like him when she did see him, and now that we’ve moved away they never see each other. Finally, my friends SR and JN. Me and my husband kept trying to invite SR and JN to parties where they could meet “accidentally”. Well, NOT ONLY could we never get them to a party at the same time, JN got sent off to shoot at people in Iraq for the next year, and SR has been hired by a touring children’s theater company that will put her out of the state for at least the next year… It’s like they are specifically TRYING to foil my attempts! Gahhh!
Dating is changing I think more to the speed of our society and the expectations more then anything else. It is fascinating…
Matchmaking is like trying to buy yarn or roving for a friend. Oooh, love the color, love the way it handles, and it makes a great swatch! That’s when I realize the yarn or roving is perfect for ME. It’s almost impossible to look at a thing using someone else’s taste. Sigh.
My comment turned into a blog entry – it was too long for here.
Right…a story combining Lewis Carrollian total nonsense elements (twas’ brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe), statistical significance testing (Sums of squares, F-ratios and P-values), with a touch of suspensefully pathetic (or pathetically suspenseful) unsuccessful matchmaking attempts. No sweat – I’ll have it done in no time. BTW: How’s Ye Olde Mustard Museum Mystery going?
Well your son sounds like he has it all figured out. I believe I had my future vocational plans figured out by high school as well, but I was never so proactive as to try to gear my courses towards that vocation. Not that my school ever offered anything specialized enough to do so with, but the thought never crossed my mind. Anyway, I believe my friend and his girlfriend are currently trying to set me up with someone. I’m ambivalent about it though. I’m always up for an adventure, but I’m not gung-ho enough to be Indiana Jones. Keep it copasetic.